You’d think i’m happy..

but .. really i’m not.

i have this empty feeling that used to be filled, filled with warm tingling sensation that i had friends to fall back on, i rarely have that filled feeling anymore - i’m not trying to find sympathy; this is real to me.

i go through a past where, no child should ever go through.  Where no child, should ever experience.  Name it, and i’ve been through.  Name it, and I’ve seen it.  I’ve seen friends get sent away to hospitals because of what they go through.

You know those stories about abuse, neglect, weed, alcohol, drugs, pregnancies, abortions, etc. in this world.  Those stories are real.  Its not made up, its not only in movies, its real life. These are real life situations that people, people that you may even know, go through.

& sad to say, i’ve gone through a handful - and it’s not a fun time.  It’s probably the time where you feel the most loney, the most abandoned.  Alone.  I know its an overused phrase but:
” What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”
& its the most true fact, you learn from your mistakes, you learn from others mistakes. You just, learn.

And i guess this feelings of abandonment of friends is just one of those feelings, something that won’t kill me … but make me stronger.

I guess it makes me more independent.  Makes me rely more on myself, and i can do things for myself.  Yes, i don’t like to think “I can do things by myself” cause not all things i can do alone - but i think that i don’t have to rely on anyone all the time.

what doesnt kill you, makes you stronger.